Blessings

In all times, in all circumstances, I am blessed.

It is easiest to see God's blessings on days like today, when the sun is shining and spring has fully arrived (I adore March in Florida...the flowers are incomparable) and my husband has just been pronounced free from cancer.

But on the dark days...when life seems frightening in its uncertainty...even then, I am still blessed. God loves me. He has saved me from sin and is renewing my soul day by day. I'm surrounded with people that I love dearly. And--though it doesn't always feel like it--I have been promised hope and a future.

Celebrating Life

This weekend we dropped the little people off at their grandparents' house and headed out for some just-the-two-of-us time in honor of my husband's birthday.

I'm so grateful to live in my favorite state. Just a little weekend trip seeing the beauty of Florida feels like an amazing vacation. We had such a lovely time...staying in a hotel on the beach...dressing up for  dinner at a five-star restaurant...touring tucked-away little beach towns...doing a little shopping (I finally talked him into buying a pair of converse shoes--I've been working on that one for years!)...climbing a high rope obstacle course...browsing bookstores...and just enjoying one another's company.

At the restaurant, we sat underneath a tree strung with white lights and paper lanterns, and made a toast--to his being here another year. Because we don't take it for granted anymore.

God is so good to us.

Of course after just two days away, we were very ready to get back and see the kids. :) I always love a chance to get away and have a little while without anyone needing me...but I always miss my babies. I'm so glad we get to be a family.

Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing

I don't have a blessed clue how to make this blog pretty, add pictures, or anything. I'll have to scope around and see what I can learn.

Meanwhile, another post already!

I absolutely adore Sally Lloyd-Jones' children's books. We have The Jesus Storybook Bible, which I love because it weaves an overarching theme of redemption in with all of the stories, and points to Jesus every time. Most Bible story books don't have that kind of cohesiveness. We got her new childrens' devotional, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, for Barrett for Christmas this year. It's a little over his head but I like to think he is at least retaining a concept or two every day.

Mostly, though, it speaks to me as I read to him. Its simple language drives home truth to my heart every time.

Yesterday we read this:

"Instead of listening to what your fears are saying, and believing them, you can pick up the sword of God's Word and go on the attack.

How do you do that?

You say these things that are true--the things God has told you: 'God has a good plan for my life!' 'I will trust and not be afraid!' 'Through Jesus I am more than a conqueror!'"

I may just be repossessing Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing for my own devotional book. :)

Love and blessings to anyone who may be reading this little blog!

Fear

How do you live with the fear?

Oh sure, I've struggled with fear my whole life. But looking back at the remote, unlikely things I was afraid of makes me laugh and shake my head.

It's nothing like now.

I don't even know how to describe it...the sinking feeling in your stomach, the clammy hands, the numbness. It comes when the surgeon talks of "extending life" and then says to you and your husband, "If there is anything you have ever wanted to do, any travelling, you should do it now."

And it hangs in the air between you, that no one expects him to overcome this cancer.

It comes when the cardiologist tells you calmly on the phone that he was wrong about your daughter--that she is not a normal, healthy child--that she has a hole in her heart.

It comes when the pediatrician hands you an epinephrine pen for your daughter, who is swollen and red and covered with frightening-looking hives, and you find out that further ant bites could be deadly but so could the shot of adrenaline that is supposed to save her.

And I don't know how to handle it. When fear is squeezing hard at my heart, I get angry with God. I cry.  I curl up on my bed, too overwhelmed to do my jobs. I confide in a friend. Or I try to stay busy and ignore it. But ultimately, it spirals down into a frantic sense of control.

If I stay on my husband about the food he eats, maybe the cancer will stay away. If I swear to myself that my daughter will never play outside without me standing right beside her, she won't get bitten. Even praying starts to feel like control...if I remember to pray faithfully, every single night, maybe the hole will close up on its own and we can avoid the procedures, the surgery.

In the end, the thing I keep coming back to is this--perfect love casts out fear. I can't do it by myself. And I have to throw myself into the arms of Perfect Love and beg Him to cast this out of me. Because I know a life of fear is not really a life at all.